Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Mahathir Speaks, the Great Satan Trembles!

As patriotic Malaysians I’m sure you’re all heeding the brilliant suggestion and call of our magnanimous former prime minister and you’re diving right into a whole-hearted boycott of U.S. products.

Indeed, the Coca-Cola Company’s share price at the New York Stock Exchange for January 5th had dropped by a whopping 1 percent! I am sure this had all to do with the jitters and trembles felts by all investors around the world upon hearing that Mahathir has spoken again and is taking on the great bully that is America.

I know the great Mahathir will be taking the lead on this boycott of ‘U.S. products’ in every shape and form. Like him we Malaysians must be clearing our homes and offices of all U.S. based products. I’m sure Mahathir has already made sure nothing in his office or home – including his computer has any of Bill Gates’ technology in it. He must have already made sure all his personal investments are also not somehow tainted by being tied to any funds associated with any products or companies from the Great Satan that is America. Well, imagine how hypocritical that would be of Mahathir if he didn’t walk his own talk, no?

Indeed, you can count on the fact that he’s probably notified his doctors that the next time he has to be treated by them they’re not to use any medical technology or equipment in any way patented or developed in the U.S. I am sure there is also no way, as in the case with his 2007 heart-bypass surgery, will there be a U.S. specialist among the team of surgeons who operate on or treat him. Oh yes, you can count on it that when our former leader says anything he means it, and all his ardent fans will be right there with him boycotting U.S. products.

I can just see it now; our movie theatres where any Hollywood movie is showing are going to be empty, shoppers in shopping centres around the country are going to be religiously avoiding U.S. brand names and products, all those American fast food chains that proliferated our commercial landscape are going to be wasting their time opening for business; they might as well retrench all our workers as customers are surely going to avoid McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, KFC and all those other notorious cultural and commercial icons of the Great Satan – ones, by the way, that multiplied like rabbits during the height of, you guessed it, Mahathir’s authoritarian regime.

Oh, by the way, so that we don’t inadvertently support the U.S. dollar, I’m sure the over four thousand Malaysian students studying in the U.S. are already packing their bags to come home. After all, certainly we can’t disappoint our glorious former prime minister by continuing to send money to the U.S. and be propping up the U.S. dollar! Whether the students are on our government scholarship or their private funds, it would be foolish to, on the one hand, be boycotting the U.S. dollar, and on the other hand, helping out this Great Satan!

One thing I'm almost sure of - the demonstrators at the U.S. embassy and the Palestinian embassy recently who happen to be smokers and fond on their Marlboro or other American brand cigarettes, must surely have quit smoking them by now!

Beware, Satan! The Mahathir-led boycott will bring you down!

And imagine, unless we changed our practices, did all of the above and more, in terms of boycotting U.S. products as called for by Mahathir, we are in fact complicit in - and assisting in - the destruction of Hamas!

You see the gravity of the situation?

G. Krishnan